Besides the pulling that tore at her heart and wrapped itself tightly around her chest, she was empty. It had taken her nearly an hour, but she had finally made it from the bed to the couch in the dully lit room. The sunlight hardly poked through the blinds that covered the dusty windows. The television set was turned on for a pointless drone of noise. She was too busy listening to the dark, insidious demon that screamed in her head to pay attention to the voices behind the television screen. It had red eyes and sharp yellow teeth that drew blood from her skin. The demon had a deep, persuasive voice that was filled with evil and hate. It rested upon her shoulders and laughed at her depression and fear. The demon told her that she was hopeless and a complete waste of space. It screamed at her that she deserved some sort of punishment for being such a nuisance on those that she was sure loved her. It reminded her, day in and day out, that a phone call, a text, or any attempt to reach out for help, would be met with those around her finding her to be no more than an annoyance. So, she lay on the couch, knees curled up to her chest, as her demon continued to scream in her mind. She picks up the bottle of pills that was set on a bedside table. It was promised that the pills would silence this demon. At least, that’s what the doctors told her. Every medication they threw at her though only summoned a new demon to toy with the chemicals that swam recklessly within her brain.
This demon was not at all like the demon that usually resided in the depths of her mind. There was a happy demeanor about him. Its face lit up with a charming smile that stretched across its twisted and deformed face. A radiating light beamed from the surface of its skin. The demon’s hand was curled around a knife though, one wrong move and the knife would implanted in her back. For this demon would easily betray her. It convinces her that she is in a state of bliss and happiness. That is, until she wants to relax. A buzzing would start from her head and travel to the tips of her fingers and toes. It was a nervous energy that forced her to keep busy. The smiling demon lies to her and tells her that she was destined for greatness. It tells her that she is a goddess, unable to be touched by the wickedness of mankind. In order to be great though, she must keep moving, keep creating, keep doing more. Whatever happens, she must not stop. Sleep is a distant memory as her mind races with the encouragement of the demon.
It yells at her to keep moving or else a fear will slam into her nervous system like a speeding car against a brick wall. The demon promises her a fear that will be so crippling, and so terrifying, that it will become all-consuming. It will bring her to her knees. It creates a fear that convinces her that if she doesn’t run, if she doesn’t escape, she will die. It tells her that a horrible death soon awaits her, unless she escapes. She can’t see the threat, but the smiling demon shouts that it is real.
The demon pushes her to a point of physical and mental exhaustion. It carries her to the edge of a breakdown while forcing a smile upon her lips. All she wants to do is stop and sleep. The demon keeps her silent. It keep her going in a forced state of movement until the demon that screams her insecurities comes crawling back like an old friend.
When these two demons appear together, they tear her into more directions than most humans could comprehend. They team up and mix their intentions to create an explosion within her mind. They give her the desire to create new worlds all while she plots her own death.
She takes one of the pills. The hope that someday she won’t need them to feel a sense of normalcy creeps into her mind. The demons still continue to scream, even with the pills and the promise of a brighter tomorrow. These demons soon become the only voices she trusts. They become the only entity she listens to.
And they are tearing her apart from the inside out.